Nagin

Directed by: Rajkumar Kohli

Starring: Sunil Dutt, Feroz Khan, Reena Roy, Jeetendra, Vinod Mehra, Kabir Bedi, Sanjay Khan, Mumtaz, Rekha, Yogeeta Bali

Released: 1976

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A massive star cast of the kind one does not see too often today and yet a film so laughably bad! Nagin is one of many Indian movies drawing inspiration from the ancient belief in existence of magical snakes, which are capable of taking a human form. Unintentionally it also discovers the endless human stupidity, which makes you facepalm so often you actually hardly see anything of the film unless you rewind. Most importantly, however, the picture suffers from a common Bollywood illness: it is a thriller/horror that is neither thrilling nor scary.

My sideburns are better than your sideburns.

Well, copulate you!

After shooting an obviously stuffed bird Sunil Dutt with horrible hairdo and wearing bell-shaped, skin-tight trousers meets a magical snake in human form Jeetendra. Happy to be alive the snake invites Sunil to watch his copulation dance with a female snake Reena Roy (I guess snakes do not dig private nad btw yes, my subtitles kept translating "suhaag raat" as "copulation night"), and Sunil, being all into it, soon after invites his friends to come and watch as well. However since they do not think he is serious, they come and secretly ogle at a barely-clad girl dancing in the woods – until a snake appears and they shoot it, thinking it was attacking the gal. As it turns out, though, it was the previously saved Jeetendra, all ready for some copulation, and now as dead as a fish. Enraged, the female snake – nagin – sets on a revenge trip.

Flying Snake attack!

That was close!

Even with the questionable special effects and questionable performances this could have been a good horror, but unfortunately it gets quickly boring a repetitive. The nagin has just one cheap trick up her sleeve – taking a form of girlfriends and then killing her victims – and she uses it every single time. Luckily for her the guys would still only have half a brain if they put all of their brains together, so they fall for it easily, however, for the audience this revenge tale gets stale all too quickly. Maybe the director recognized this as well, and that is why he included a pretty physical and violent fight between Reena Roy and Rekha near the end (over a man, naturally).

The Dumbass Club of the Round Table

Nagin is one of the films that are both roll-eyes worthy, boring and unintentionally hilarious. It suffers from choppy editing, flying snakes, random stupid comedy and prepostrous characters. It is fun to watch actors, that had proved themselves with better cinema, being a part of such trash – and at the same time it is cringeworthy and painful (almost as much as the copulation love dance between Reena and Jeetendra dressed in gold and leather, which they kept bursting into every five minutes). There is the old Bollywood habit to create drama in situations that call for anything but that, and then the drama intensifies to dimensions nearly unimaginable. Naturally there is a high level of WTF: a scene where Feroz Khan shoots at Mumtaz, wounding her – yet then he says „sorry, I thought you were a snake, let me bandage that“ and she just smiles and accepts such bullshit explanation as a part of their budding romance, is just one of many such scenes.

Such pathetic sideburns you got!

How dare you bitch!

Take a plunge off the cliff!

It was interesting for me to watch Kabir Bedi – this was my first Bollywood film I´ve seen him in, but I have been familiar with him since many years. In my part of the world he is terribly famous for his role of Sandokan. Not long ago he was being interviewed for the Czech TV, and I wanted to be angry with him for saying he preferred doing small role in America to film in Bollywood. Well, if all his films were like this one, I think I might just forgive him.

Don´t die! I loved you since that day you shot at me!

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Roti

Directed by: Manmohan Desai

Starring: Rajesh Khanna, Mumtaz, Om Prakash, Nirupa Roy

Released: 1974

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Once upon a time, there was a little boy from a slum, who had to slog and yet went to bed hungry. And seeing all the injustice in the world he became a criminal to ensure his survival. Two lines that could start describing about a million Indian films. Some used it as a background idea, many used it as the main motivation of the characters. Some were brilliant and some did not work, and even though Roti has apparently been appreciated at the time of its release, I don´t think it deserves to be anywhere near the top when it comes to a list of such films.

After escaping from jail and being considered dead, Mangal (as Rajesh is called) decides to lead a different life. He ends up in a small mountain village, where posing as a friend of their son, he finds a shelter with blind aging parents, acquires the position of a teacher in the school, romances Bijli (Mumtaz), saves prostitutes and turns everyone „human“ (because who better but a guy running froma a police for that job, eh?)

How to dress when you are wanted killer on the run, lesson 1.

Rajesh Khanna wearing hippie shirts and awful mullet tried to persuade me he is both a wanted criminal and Jesus in second incarnation. Needless to say he looked unconvincing as the first and annoyingly pretentious as the latter. He did not act badly, but apparently the magic of Rajesh Khanna for whom the girls were writing letters in their own blood does not work on me. I felt rather bored throughout, which is largely to be blamed on a script full of things I have seen a million times, and the never-ending message that resonates through Indian films since the beginning till today - about corrupt society and innocent children turned criminals. But Mangal is not just a small-time thief or a Robin Hood. He is a killer - and people are also killed because of him, without him ever caring. The story is told without getting some kind of emotion from the viewer, and the most engaging action is the God-intervention starring monkeys.

How to dress when you are hiding from the police in the woods, lesson 12.

This is the first time I saw Mumtaz (well, not really true because I saw her previously in Suraj, but there she was just in a supporting role and completely lost in the awesomeness that always shines around Vyjayanthimala), and I liked her well enough. She had some spunk, even if at times her character was an annoying chatterbox. However a heroine whose only purpose is to fall for the hero, no matter how prepostrous the whole thing is, is yet another fail the film has. And sadly, she doesn´t even have a song that would be worth mentioning it. Oh no, all the songs are social-waking opportunities for our criminal-Jesus.

I understand why these films were and are still made. Because reality has not changed. But some films seem to be made just to be preachy, and end up being more of a boring lecture (with lack of logic involved) than an emotional experience that would actually make one sit back and think for a while, if not get up and doing something. Roti doesn´t do enough to justify the ways of Mangal. He keeps having passionate speeches about hunger and stomachs, but sorry, dude, you´ve been a healthy adult for long enough now and still you would choose stupid fight resulting in killing someone, then having people shot because of your pompous escape from the gallows... and I am supposed to feel your pain more then theirs?

I lost a leg because of you, wanted murderer, but even though I am aiming at you, I will not shoot you. On the contrary I wil let you run along with best wishes because when you crippled me you skillfully lied to my blind parents so they took you in. And they think you are a great guy.

The film needed a better editing too, as some bits seem to be left out (or I again got a copy with scenes cut). What starts as a tale of a hungry child ends in an amazingly unbelievable climax with burying your enemies under an avalanche, racing ahead of a police dog with Mumtaz on your back, having yet another damn long speech after being shot in the heart (and you blood evenly spilling into the part of Mumtaz´s hair – which totally beats the famous Mujhse Dosti Karoge sindoor scene), as the blind parents and their one-legged son obviously manage to hurry up (and be quicker than police and gundas in their cars) to mourn over you.

*SPLASH*

OMG I have your blood in my hair. I have never been happier. 

I´m dying.

I´M DYYYING!!!

Not fair! I also had a speech on increasing gas prices and globalization!

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