Main Khiladi Tu Anari

Directed by: Sameer Malkan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Saif Ali Khan, Kader Khan, Shilpa Shetty, Shakti Kapoor

Released: 1994

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

So I finally ventured into the Khiladi franchise with Main Khiladi To Anari (because in spite of its title Khilad 786 cannot be counted as a part of it as far as I know). As someone who is not impressed with Bollywood action scenes, I was a bit apprehensive, because it is action scenes Akshay Kumar is mostly (and unfairly cause he has a lot more to offer) known and applauded for. Also, while Saif Ali Khan today is among the best actors and my favourites, young puppy-like Saifu in those films of the 90s I´ve seen seemed rather awkward. And that Shilpa Shetty cannot act became clear within first ten minutes.

When an honest and uncorrupted police officer is murdered by a drug dealer Goli (Shakti Kapoor), his lover Mona (Shilpa) spills the beans to a handsome police inspector Karan (Akshay), only to have her long skirt torn (cause showing her long legs is essential for the film) and to be killed. As it happens the murdered inspector was Karan´s older brother, and so the chhota bhai sets out to avenge his sibling. But what to do? He has nothing against Goli now that Mona and her sexy legs are gone.

Meanwhile, in some other part of the city, a popular actor, an ultimate romantic hero Deepak Kumar, is having an existential crisis. Not that his films wouldn´t be doing well, but he hates them and himself in them. Sick from the image he has he is longing to kick ass at least once in some „asli mard“ movie. While unsuccessfully explaining this to a producer (who is also a mafia boss), he encounters the ultimate kick-ass machine inspector Karan fighting for justice, and immediately decides this is the exact image he needs to create for himself. To be able to study Karan´s mannerism and behaviour he manages to pull some strings and soon tough and rather anti-social inspector (still trying to get his revenge) is officially stuck with a naive, flamboyant and oh so filmy superstar. At the same time Karan finds Basanti, a girl who acts exactly like the annoying Basanti from Sholay and looks exactly like the deceased Mona, and after one night lasting English course she transforms from an illiterate thief into a high profile bar dancer, planted into Goli´s closeness under a pretext of being a Mona, who survived, but is not dangerous for him because she lost her memory...

The film has its share of loopholes and flaws. I wasn´t comfortable with the „love“ twist that brought Basanti and Karan together. I don´t care he didn´t really rape her, and it was actually set up by her so he would think that. The idea behind it – that a raped girl should marry the one who raped her – is just repulsive. If in the middle of Bollywood a writer cannot come up with a better idea of how to push two characters together, let them rather stay single. It was better to watch Deepak romancing Karan´s sister, although here too one wondered how much there is to actual love, considering she was a nutcase of a fangirl. But both love stories and even the plot involving Goli and all the avenging are really just a background – for some seriously awesome Akshay/Saif bonding.

It´s between the two of them that the actual relationship happens, a relationship that truly deserves a label of „bromance“. They have wonderful chemistry and even in acting they were complimenting each other. Their comic timing is wonderful, especially Saif got me in splits with his almost childish stubborness and yet being clueless about what to do most of the time. The purpose of his character is not lost in the progress, he doesn´t loose the bohemian spirit and never abandons his aim to build his new image.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari is nothing but an unapologetic fun. To analyze it and nit pick on the story is almost irrelevant, because the fun is what matters, not any moral values. Extremely enjoyable with the (today) unintentionally (?) hilarious songs and dancing, as well as Kader Khan being a movie star fangirl, the movie also has a great repeat value and doesn´t get old.

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Andaz

Directed by: David Dhawan

Starring: Anil Kapoor, Karishma Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Kader Khan

Released: 1994

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Many years before Farah Khan brought to life Main Hoon Na that revolved around a college and terrorism, there was David Dhawan who created a movie based on the two as well. Main Hoon Na is not even remotely a copy of Andaaz, as the two stories are different, and where Farah Khan´s movie changes easily from comedy to family drama and action flick, David Dhawan stayed faithful to what he could do best and maintained the light spirit throughout, yet still I found it curious that the two movies have the same feel. Main Hoon Na, aspiring to be a modern day classic in my book, is of course far superior to Andaaz in every department, being a slick, polished and witty massala of the memorable team Farah-SRK, while Andaaz is what it is: a typical 90s movie with loopholes, bad cinematography and Shakti Kapoor.

Anil Kapoor armed with his trademark moustache and wearing glasses (signifying he is a civilized and educated man this time) comes to a college as a new teacher, however his peaceful nature and young age make him a favourite target of student jokes and tricks. One of the girls in particular disturbs his inner balance – Jaya (Karishma), who, after pulling a practical joke on him, seems to annoy him with every single thing. Anil puts up with everything up until the moment he finds an „I love you“ note addressed to him. He gives it to Jaya (as he believes it was her sending it) without much of an explanation, and thus starts an avalanche of other similar notes. Unknown to him it was not her who sent them, but one of other students trying to avenge for previous punishment, and while Anil thinks he is love object of Jaya´s, she in return believes she is his, building this belief on the I love you notes he keeps giving her „back“

The film is also an unashamed eyeglasses porn.

When truth comes out it is already too late for Jaya, who is head over heels and for real in love with the teacher, and in order to gain his affection leaves the school and moves next door, only to be rejected again and again. Until finally Anil decides to bring home – a wife! Marrying in a hurry he chooses Juhi Chawla in an orphanage, with a conviction him marrying will shoo Jaya away forever. Originally he wanted a woman who could cook, sing, be educated. Juhi is none of that and quite useless, however Anil is not angry for long because she still possesses the erotic female parts and basically the whole second half of the film could be called „The tales of a horny husband“. One song in particular made me stare at the screen in a complete disbelief of what was actually happening! The first 13 seconds will be enough for you to understand!

Karishma, who dominated the first half completely, being adorable with her huge eyebrows and frizzy hair, is immediately sidelined not only by her love interest (now interested only in jumping into bed with the wife at every single opportunity. Compared to the latest Dhawan movies it was all still innocent, which can give you an idea of how distasteful are his films now.), but also the script, which is a shame. Her character henceforth doesn´t really make much sense and looses all the appeal.

You may be wondering by now where the terrorists fit in. They don´t fit in at all – and yet they are present. The „action“ subplot is limited to about three or four short scenes during the film, only to overwhelm it in the last 15 minutes, and basically holding no importance at all. In fact the whole terrorist thing is just a way how to get rid of Jaya in the end.

Let´s get laid darling.

Let´s get intimate!

Actually, let´s get kinky.

I really enjoyed the movie (after all I love myself some 90s with all the cringeworthy stuff and guilty pleasures they represent).It is one of the few rare pictures where I didn´t cringe at Anil Kapoor´s comedy, maybe because he kept the acting rather calm and came of much more convincing than his usual let´s be as loud as possible and let´s put my head forward and bulge my small eyes way of acting „funny“. The ladies steal the show from him (I guess after working with Madhuri and Sridevi he was used to that already anyway), Karishma breathes the life into the story in the first part, Juhi with her gorgeousness and comic sense nobody can match takes over in the second, in spite of being given just an extended cameo. She was a pure delight to watch and left me longing for more.

It´s no Main Hoon Na for sure, but it is worth a shot if you are looking for something fun or if you are missing the naughty but not yet completely over the top vulgar David Dhawan.

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