Badlapur

Directed by: Shriram Raghavan

Starring: Varun Dhawan, Nawazuddin Sidiqui, Huma Qureshi, Yami Gautam, Divya Dutta

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A bloody revenge movie is a tricky thing. You need a lot of strong points. Reason for revenge. Believable acting. Arevenge which leaves you with a feeling of gratification or at least understanding for the hero."

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Hawaizaada

Directed by: Vibhu Puri

Starring: Ayushman Khuranna, Pallavi Sharda, Mithun Chakraborthy

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Loosely based on the life and alleged achievements of Shivkar Talpade, who is sometimes credited as a maker of the first unmanned plane, which he supposedly constructed with the help of Vedic texts as leads for proportions and materials, Hawaizaada is a product with an ambition to be part Lagaan, part Bollywood extravaganza. I would have enjoyed the film a lot more if it didn´t feel like a huge Saawariya hangover. Mind you, Saawariya is to me a gem of a film, one of my most favourite movies ever. But here the inspiration with Bhansali style of making films is so rampant it actually out-Bhansalies the Bhansali. The one thing missing though is the mystery, atmosphere and deep feeling of it all. Cinematography is stunning and details poetic and wonderful, yet the picturesque beauty lacks soul.

Not only the fairytale-like, colour-harmonized sets larger than life feel familiar. Ayushman Khuranna as Shivy feels familiar too. As if "Raj" from Saawariya just stepped into another story with a different face. They are both young, carefree, optimistic and playing instruments, not worrying of where they are to sleep tonight or what tomorrow will bring. They both fall for a girl who is beautiful in a second, and she becomes their obsession. Where Ranbir was believable in the role, Ayushman does not strike the chord. Perhaps my knowledge of his previous movies interfered too much with the innocence shown here, and so I was simply not convinced, even less so during his weeping scenes. As the film progresses, Ayushman´s over the top act gets actually really annoying. The exumberant, forced smiles, the constant shaking of the head and stubbornly repeated sentimental lines – Shivy with his head of artificial curls has nothing on Ranbir´s Raj. Pallavi Shardha is a girl who I think is destined to be lost to Bollywood viewers soon, simply because she just has hardly any screen presence. Unless luck smiles upon her, I don´t think she will stick around for long as a lead actress.

Then there is of course Mithun Chakraborthy, a man grossly underrated because once upon a time 80s happened to him. I cannot say a bad word about him, and if there is any failing with his character of Shastry, just pin it on the screenplay please.

Clearly, the film was meant to boost some patriotism, being after all set at the time of British dominance over India. And so you can be sure there are petty English officers (awful actors) speaking awful Hindi - even among themselves, and some big patriotic speeches and mottos. I like patriotism, just in films it sometimes gets too much. Hawaizaada does overstep the line, more dramatically as it goes on. Furthermore: I am not keen on technical aspects of building planes, but the movie made it look as easy as nailing few boards together. It takes one particularly harmless bomb to set free and flee with a prisoner right from a courtroom, and the British only find out hours (days?) later. Well, no wonder, since they also apparently have no idea where to look for the guy, even though he lives on a big-ass ship that keeps the lights on and is clearly inhabited.

Better, tighter screenplay and more emphasis on the conflict between love for a girl and dedication to a teacher and friend could have made Hawaizaada a very good film in spite of the blatant ripping off of Saawariya. As it is, it does not deserve more than an average rating.  

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Second half of 2014 overview

The second half of 2014 was full of changes for me on personal front. I finished university, got thrown into the whirlwind of looking for a job, and then finally finding it as well as finding out I got diabetes. Naturally with a change of lifestyle and schedule I have not been able to keep up with Bollywood (or other things) as much as I would have liked to, and so the films I have watched were fewer. As you may have noticed also by lack of activity on this blog. The following are the ones I still managed to see:

Entertainment

Directed by: Sajid-Farhad

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Sonu Sood, Prakash Raj, Tamanna Bhatia, Johnny Lever, Mithun Chakraborthy

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

This could have been a truly great family entertainer, had it not been for too many hurt crotches, a useless (and awful) song about being forced to drink and perhaps too much not-funny violence near the end. Also, the amount of film-references is like a tsunami which almost makes you choke for air. Akshay, Sonu Sood, Prakash Raj, Johnny Lever - all are effortlessly funny in this over the top comedy, in which the over-the-topness is fine since you have never been expected to take it seriously. Unlike another film of the similar sentiment - Humshakals - it remains watchable throughout, and that a dog might inherit a business empire is still more logical than that a potion can change your DNA and turn you into a dog. And while Tamanna (who was meant for better things in life) has a very small and basic role, the picture is not insulting women (still comparing with Humashakals). Entertainment is a stupid name for a dog, or for a film for that matter. If you are a big Akshay Kumar fan, you might enjoy parts of it. Like the scene in which Akshay interacts with a bunch of different dogs in the jungle. "Hey, Germand Sheperd! Has you father ever been to Germany?!"

Singham Returns

Directed by: Rohit Shetty

Starring: Ajay Devgn, Kareena Kapoor, Amol Gupte

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

Bajirao Singham is possibly my favourite action masalla hero, but I would have been happier if he had not returned, as the sequel is no patch on the first film. It is much less focused, and there is no engaging storyline, at times it actually felt as if Rohit Shetty just shot for two different films and then he glued parts together. Inconsistent and eventually boring, Singham 2 gets easily short of breath. The character of Bajirao and its portrayal by Ajay Devgn are still as awesome, but the script was really weak, with no meat at all. It doesn´t help that the villain is more comical than scary, and hence there is no tension between Singham and his enemy – which was exactly what made the first film interesting. Finally Kajal Agarwal has been disposed off (her character of Singham´s wife is never even mentioned – here´s to disposal of actresses, right?) and replaced by Kareena Kapoor, who manages to be annoying as hell. This was really not a role for her. Anyone would have been annoying in it, but she was an utter miscast, even if only because she has done the loud-mouthed energetic girl so many times before – and better. No, Singham should not have returned.

Following the release of the testosteron-overalod three “women oriented” films burst onto the cinema screens. After a fairly awesome Mardaani and less awesome and overpraised Mary Kom, Bipasha Basu fell into deeper chasms of “plz stahp” with yet another horror.

Creature

Directed by: Vikram Bhatt

Starring: Bipasha Basu

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

It is 2014 and yet films like this are being made. Even before the opening titles start you would have already encountered the “creature” and thus taken away the element of surprise and wondering. Then you are thrown into a very basic bunch of people who are as cartoonish as one could imagine. Within twenty minutes you know the reason which makes the “creature” behave the way it is. Why should you even bother watching any more? You should not. And I only went on so I could convince you to spare yourselves. The film boasted of the use of special computer effects, however the creature looks weird, for the lack of better word, and never manages to create an illusion of actually existing. Dialogues are poor, logic took a holiday. People in horror films are generally of low IQ, but yeh log deserved the Darwin Award (“You go find a bullet and I will keep the empty gun so both of us have no weapon!”). Intimate relationships are created within a day, there are stuffed artificial panthers being hunted down, and police distributes heavy weapons among the civilians just like that. Sometimes the creature can smash down the door without problems, other times it is too big of a problem. Sometimes it outruns a speeding car, few minutes later it cannot catch up with two people running. The closer the film gets to the climax, the more boring it becomes. Most importantly there is hardly any story. The plot is simple – a mythical demon kills in the woods so let´s go and kill it. That is it really. If I wanted two hours of shooting and running I would watch the Olympics or something. Performances are wooden and basic, and it seems to me that the lack of good scripts is slowly but surely reducing Bipasha Basu to certain irrelevance. On one hand I am glad she does not depend on big names and labels to do a film, on the other hand she should really think her projects through. Films like Players, Aatma and now Creature do her more harm than good. Which is really sad because I think she is a fairly good actress. BTW nobody had to die if they just brought a flamethrower with them.

Sadly for Bollywood Bipasha is not the only performer who is running short of breath and keeps doing bad films.

Raja Natwarlal

Directed by: Kunal Deshmukh

Starring: Emraan Hashmi, Paresh Rawal, Deepak Tijori, Kay Kay Manon

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Emraan Hashmi remains the poor man´s Anil Kapoor, dressed in shirts which are obviously too tight for him. And everyone acts better includuing shot-20-minutes-in Deepak Tijori, criminally underused Paresh Rawal and not at all sexy though she tries soooooo hard newcomer Humaima (then again she has little to work with besides swirling her skirts around a night club to the playback of unremarkable songs). A film about a conman can be both funny or dramatic, but in any case it should be clever. Raja Natwarlal offers neither wit nor brain-stretch. The plot is as thin as a wet paper and everything too easy for everyone. How did the villain know who stole his money? He just did. How did the police find out about Raja and his group? They just did. Everyone knows everything to the point you really wonder why is there any conflict at all. Boring, nonsensical and stale movie. Instead of blood this avenger should sip milk.

I took some delight in Finding Fannyand was genuinely pleased with Daawat-E-Ishq (review coming eventually), and then after Deepika and Parineeti it was Sonam´s turn in trying to charm me.

Khoobsurat

Directed by: Shashanka

Starring: Sonam Kapoor, Fawad Khan, Ratna Pathak Shah, Kirron Kher

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Average entertainment with some bad songs, which just might fit your mood for something light, or it might make you angry with how terribly basic it is. There is absolutely nothing new or fresh neither about the story or Sonam Kapoor in the role of whacky, cutesy, "modern" girl. Impossibly handsome and suave Fawad Khan thus takes the cake as a show-stealer, being very natural and charming. But to give Sonam some credit, she does well with her own limited abilities, and does not annoy. Furthermore she is simply beautiful to look at, no argument there. What a pity these two beautiful people share no chemistry whatsoever. The whole film looks and feels like cotton candy, fortunatelly all the gloss and sweetness lets some nice moments to reach out to the viewer. If I definitely liked something was the fact how Mili managed to make everyone in the royal family realize their lack of communication. That was a lesson few more families, filmi and real, should take.

Bang Bang (review coming eventually), Haider, Happy New Year (review coming eventually) – those were the big releases of the autumn days. I loved none, though Bang Bang entertained me, Haider made an impression and Happy New Year... just happened to be honest. The year ended on a high with PK, but before we could get to it, there was still some suffering in the store.

The Shaukeens

Directed by: Abhishek Sharma

Starring: Anupam Kher, Annu Kapoor, Piyush Sharma, Lisa Haydon, Akshay Kumar

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible– bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Just when I thought Yaariyan and Humshakals were the sleaziest films of the year, The Shaukeens came and gave those two a tough fight for the spot. Three sex-starved over 60 perverts on the hunt for physical pleasures, oogling over each girl they meet (correction: each girl that fits the standard model type). Their behavior is not really even desperate, it is downright disturbing. There is nothing even remotely funny about situations created for them, and I was left severely repulsed by what I saw. Second half of the movie I have only skimmed through, unable to bear any more. Lisa Haydon crowns the awfulness of the film with her performance, which, I am sorry to say, is simply pathetic. Awful, vulgar, and everyone involved in making it should be ashamed.

Happy Endings

Director: Raj and D.K.

Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Ileana D´Cruz, Ranvir Shorey, Kalki Koechlin, Govinda

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Either Bollywood romantic comedies are loosing breath or Saif Ali Khan is. I think I´d put my money on the latter. The careless player of a lover has been Saif´s most successful domain in the past ten years, but he truly has grown out of the image, but apparently have not noticed. I believe his last successful film of this kind was Cocktail, and that one I do not hesitate to ascribe to Deepika, who shouldered the whole thing. The film gets better in the second half, with Ileana being just lovely, but sharing no chemistry with Saif. The blink and miss cameos by Preity and Kareena showed me Preity in a much better light than her comeback film, and those few minutes of Kareena reminded me that I have missed her on screen (Singham 2 does not count). The film has no plot, no drive and no push, even though there are some cute moments. However, are we not all tired of pathetic middle-age men with commitment-phobia? They have become a trope, and not an endearing one. The film passes by like a breeze on highway ride, without much to be noticed. It is definitely not a cinema piece, felt more appropriate for a DVD watch.

I turned off “Ungli” - another boring Emraan Hashmi film – 20 minutes in, and I refused to watch Action Jackson. And so that really was 2014 Bollywood for me. Maybe one day I will find courage to watch more?

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Mann

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Aamir Khan, Manisha Koirala, Anil Kapoor, Sharmila Tagore

Released: 1999

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I sincerely, honestly believe that the ONLY thing that ever made indra Kumar´s films work was Madhuri Dixit. Apart from Dil, which I consider a good film, even if flawed, Beta and Raja were only bearable because of her awesomeness and talent, and everything after that I have seen of his work just plain sucks. Mann is no different.

I write poetry in my spare time. Love me.

There is so much wrong with the plot! A severely mopy Sati Savitri Manisha falls in love with a cheater and a liar because he loves his grandmom. Because him being able to appreciate the old lady equals, in Manisha´s eyes, to being a good person. In fact, the character played by Aamir Khan is repulsive, unlikeable asshole and womanizer, who enjoys being creepy. The lengths he goes to while „wooing“ women would get him a restraining order in real life. Yet she falls in love with him, is jealous of girls he pays attention to, even though she has rejected him before. By the time the movie reached the interval I was ripping my hair out of frustration and sheer disbelief. Then the asshole-ish hero turns good and full of izzat overnight. How am I supposed to buy that?

"What the..."

"Do I turn you on?"

"Totally!"

In the second half of the film we are served a completely different story. That of selfless love and that you should look around before crossing the road. Manisha´s face is all swollen throughout and her glycerin-tears-stained cheeks can only be equaled by Jaya Bachchan´s from Kabhi Khusi Kabhi Ghum. Because our heroine lost both her legs! From extreme „hilarity“ the movie sinks into extreme depression, and everything is so theatrical you just wonder what has the director do to make all these good actors act so terribly. 

So hot.

I was irked by so many things in the story, but the greatest outrage was perhaps when Manisha admits to the headmistress of the orphanage (where she had grown up) that she doesn´t want to marry the cheerful and genuinely nice Anil Kapoor (whom I did not expect in the least to show up), because she loves the womanizing stalker. She is then lectured on how she has no right whatsoever to follow her heart and be actually honest with her fiancé, because, you know, there is a chance he just might turn into a lunatic and go crazy because of that. And also: certainly, if she dares to refuse him, nobody will ever marry a girl from an orphanage again. Like WTF.

"Was my moustache not pervy enough for you, biatch?"

Aamir Khan is at his annoying worst (I think I read he regretted doing the film? It would definitely make sense.) Manisha looks disturbingly ill, I had to wonder whether she had some issues with her health off screen. Comedy has never been her forte, and her tragedy is too overdone in this. Anil Kapoor comes and goes, with the only sane character to play, but being himself more than anything. Sharmila Tagore cast as Aamir Khan´s grandmother felt so wrong! The fabulous actress, who was in her fifties at the time, is unrecognizable under a deck up of at least 80 year old woman, who appears very briefly only to pile on some more depression by dying in the second half.

"I am a Cinderella waiting for a Prince."

"But when he brings a shoe he won´t recognize you since you have no legs now."

"You lil shit!"

Logic has never really had place in Indra Kumar´s universe, while annoying over the top comedy thrived. Mann, which also stole a song or two from vintage European hits (here is one and here is another) is a confused movie trying to go from comedy into a tragic romance, much like Dil, but comedy is lame and tragic romance frustrating. The first half, made up of every wrong cliché, made me uncomfortable, the second half with its mopier than mopy ridiculousness made me roll my eyes till they almost stuck on the other part of my head.

"Good luck and break a leg, like you broke my heart."

(note on captions: Sorry for lame jokes. I don´t  mind Anil´s stache. The Cinderella comment was indeed made in the film. Except the ending. Of course.)

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Jab Jab Phool Khile

Directed by: Suraj Prakash

Starring: Shashi Kapoor, Nanda

Released: 1965

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Clearly the awful Raja Hindustani drew much inspiration from a film lot older, lot sweeter, and less blatantly sexist and prejudiced. Perhaps not as equally successful, but very successful still. Those were my initial thoughts after watching Jab Jab Phool Khile, a picture full of beautiful songs, terribly unrealistic studio sets, sophisticated Lolita-reading Nanda and above all the cutest, handsomest Shashi Kapoor. Perhaps no other actor has had innocence so clearly mirrored on his face. Mr. Shashi is simply adorable as a simple Kashmiri falling in love with a wealthy lady.

For most part Jab Jab Phool Khile is pure joy to watch. The wealthy girl is spoilt, but not rotten spoilt and does not think that poor people stink. She is wearing western clothes, but the traditional Shashi does not tell her off because of it (unlike Aamir in Raja Hindustani). She is, actually, clearly educated, sophisticated and has a strong will and sense of independence. Very early on she makes it clear that she has not yet thought her own life through, so why think of marriage. And she keeps the same attitude until love comes her way. Then too the wedding is not quick affair in a rush of emotions moment. Nanda has been known as the „homely“ heroine with sweet, inoffensive charm, and she essayed the role of Rita perfectly.

In the very soul of the story, however, is Raju (the most Shashilicious of all the Kapoors), his naive dreams and devoted persistence, which, as should be mentioned, never goes out of control. Far from being a stalker who puts himself in front of every step of the lady he fancies, Shashi loves Nanda from a certain distance. This distance always remains respectful, and for once the hero is not creepy at all. In fact he is completely loveable. Shashi with his gentle eyes and shy smile is forever my crush and whatever damage to his image was done by Satyam Shivam Sundaram, Jab Jab Phool Khile repaired seamlessly. The Kapoor men have always had incredible energy and gusto with hich they performed set them apart from other actors. Shashi´s excitement and unbounded joy as he sings about his hopes are infectious.

The smooth narrative, unfortunately, does have a few dents, most of which one is willing to forgive given the release date of the movie, and the fact the rest of it is so sweet. Still, they did take a away a bit from the viewing experience. The hero tries to fit into an unfamiliar world of his beloved without making it seem like a huge sacrifice of his moral conscience, and unlike in Raja Hindustani he is successful and not ridiculous at all. But just as I was ready to cheer for the movie, the eternal „west is bad“ idea crept into it and ruined the ending. When Shashi and Nanda dance at a party thrown by her parents, she goes on to dance with someone else for a bit. Within seconds the sweet Shashi turns into a lecturer on morality. Because how dare you dance with other men. It basically means you are a used thing with no worth. Naturally Nanda ensures a dramatic finale, during which the imagery is all too clear: Shashi having the moral high ground stands in a moving train, while she trips on down below on the pavement, begging him to take her away from everything what has been her life. I feel like inserting the „you tried“ meme here – for the makers.

Oh – the comedy bits were.... painful.

In the end it should be noted that the only saving grace of Raja Hindustani today is the music. Jab Jab Phool Khile, on the other hand, is still a pleasing cinematic piece. When two do the same, it is not the same.

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PK

Directed by: Rajkumar Hirani

Starring: Aamir Khan, Anushka Sharma, Saurabh Shukla, Boman Irani, Sanjay Dutt

Released: 2014

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I love Raju Hirani and his films. They are cheeky, provokative, yet essentially „good at heart“, working with characters that go easily over the top, but still remain believable. Even if they are an alien, and even if the same faces have been used by the same director in his previous ventures, as figures very much unforgettable.

PK share much of its features with both E.T. and OMG Oh My God (starring Paresh Rawal and Akshay Kumar, and which I hear was also a take on some English film), so while this time it is not about being innovative and original, it is still about skillful filmmaking and cinema which can both entertain and educate. Certainly we should be grateful when a film like PK becomes a massive hit, instead of the mindless masala, at least once upon a time. Also thank God (the asli wala) that the film stayed away from much of romantic moping or emotional revelations, which would inevitably slowed the narrative down (It was not about romantic love anyway, so why dilute it.)

Aamir Khan gives a commendable performance, and while the biggest strength of PK is in the way his dialogues have been written more than anything, when his extravagant weirdness stops bothering you after a while, he slips into the role effortlessly. Anushka Sharma is a natural performer and one gets happy just seeing her twinkling eyes. Whatever she has been doing with the lower part of her face is completely her business and I do not judge her for it, but yes, I must admit in some scenes her mouth area was as distracting as Katrina´s lips in Jab Tak Hai Jaan. Saurabh Shukla appears and makes quite an impression as a mean religious leader, while the erst of the cast divide some special appearances. Boman Irani, I felt, got the mean deal. Given he has been such a power in Hirani´s previous movies, here he has nothing to work with at all. Sanjay Dutt is funny, and his shocking demise.... well.... shocking to say the least. The special appearance by Ranbir Kapoor at the end would have been an extremely pleasant surprise, had it not good friend tumblr ruined it for me just days after the film release.

PK, unfortunately, does not reach the higher than high standards set by Hirani himself with his previous films (namely 3 Idiots and above all Munnabhai MBBS). Half-an-hour-too-long, while it carries a fantastic message, it lacks any true drama to drive the plot. One feels for PK, but there is not a single moment when one would not expect him to return home eventually. Finally, the last twenty minutes seem sloppy. The whole explanation of „how maybe Sarfaraaz probably did not ditch you ever thought of that“ felt forced and over-constructed (does this word even exist?). Also, if you have a huge lasting fight over religion on national TV, there should be a grand conclusion, but the viewer is robbed of the experience, as the climax remains underplayed and underwhelming. Few times I also had to remind myself to be tolerant when it came to a fine line between humour and crude humour, without which Hirani seemingly cannot do (though I admit the dancing car was funny). The movie lacks memorable soundtrack.

When it comes of the specific theme of religion and how it became a big money spinning business, Rawal´s OMG remains superior. PK is more cute, with a hero and heroine more to the mainstream tastes, and on a grander scale. It carries the Raju Hirani signature: it is light-hearted, funny yet touching, all that just somehow little less than usual.

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Haider

Directed by: Vishal Bhardwaj

Starring: Shahid Kapoor, Tabu, Shraddha Kapoor, Kay Kay Menon, Irrfan Khan

Released: 2014

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

What to say? Everybody loved Haider. Or not? Everybody praised it. Or not? Perhaps there is still hope that others, just like me, ended up confused and uncomfortable as the closing titles rolled and Rekha Bhardwaj sang. Few things which distinctly stuck in my mind were the way pain and innocence on Shahid Kapoor´s handsome face transforming into insanity, the song picturized on the undertakers and then also the pristine, elf-like beauty which seems to radiate from Shraddha Kapoor´s very being. Then I also recall being grossed out at unnecessary gore and blood, and how I hate open endings.

Haider was probably the MOST universally praised movie of 2014, but somehow failed to click with me as a viewer. I am therefore unsure of even how to rate it. On one hand one has to admit this was something very unusual and as such a risk for a prolific Bollywood filmmaker, no matter what his previous track record. It also cannot be denied that the movie is extremely well acted, is well crafted. And finally this is what a good adaptation should look like – taking the essentials, directly referring to the original inspiration through the dialogues and even imagery, but still adding different background, contemporary touch and even its own twist. Oh - the two Salmans and their version of Mere Rang Mein was funny.

Yet for all this I could not bring myself to like the film. It disturbed me, but not moved me. I tried hard to immerse into the world of the characters, but for all my good will I remained a detached viewer. Part of it, at least in the beginning, probably has to do with me not having enough knowledge on the situation in Kashmir during the 90s. I felt it all a bit hazy as the bearded men wielding firearms kept running across the screen. Tabu´s large tragic eyes were completely believable, but for all her sadness I shed not a single tear for Ghazala (and I am a total crybaby. Like seriously, sometimes a simple happy hug on screen can turn me into a sobbing mess). Perhaps the realistic approach went against the film in the end, making it so credible I started longing for at least a bit of the damned escapist cinema. The songs were unnecessary (and quite forgettable), except for the theatrical Bismil, a take on the staged play from the original. Bhardwaj did better job as a composer this very year with Dedh Ishqiya. I also felt the movie was dragging, especially in the first half, and I made more than five breaks meanwhile.

What makes the experience worth it is without a doubt Haider himself – Shahid Kapoor in his best form post Kaminey. He becomes the character, leaving no trace of his stardom anywhere, not even as he dances with extreme energy and grace to „Bismil“. I do not think any other actor could match up to his standard in the scene when we for the first time see him „loosing his mind“, with a noose around his neck. Tabu and Irrfan Khan are both very good, though I perhaps expected something more from the former, given the amount of praise. Me and Tabu still have a long way to go, this being the first film where she actually does some acting. Kay Kay Menon is excellent. Shraddha Kapoor seems bit of a lost baby among others, but does a decent job, even though her character is only needed as a source of plot triggers (which do not even concern her).

I suppose that when asked, I am going to say that Haider is a good film. Just not really what I would watch repeatedly. Among Vishal Bhardwaj films I very much prefer his other Shakespearean venture in the form of Omkara, and at the cost of comitting a sacrilege, I would even give more points to his (often condemned) 7 Khoon Maaf.  

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Mardaani

Directed by: Pradeep Sarkar

Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Tahir Raj Bhasin, Priyanka Sharma

Released: 2014

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

After thinking for a long while, I believe that one word which describes Mardaani in my book would be „believable“. Not slick, not bloody genius mystery investigation. There is nothing loud or theatrical, there is no misplaced patriotism to emotionally blackmail you. I am not saying it is completely logical (though I personally cannot think of anything I would question much), but yes, it is veiled in an atmosphere of near plausibility and the setting, the costume, the acting, everything seems familiar, real … simply believable.

The topic the movie chooses to cover – child trafficking and sexual exploitation - is highly disgusting. We are used to see our hero cops sort out the corruption, drug dealers and murderers, but „white meat“ dealing, possibly the worst of all the crimes imaginable, is usually silently avoided. Perhaps to spare the feelings of the audience? Mardaani does not spare us – thankfully. Some of the scenes are uneasy to watch (for example ripping the clothes off the girls, forcing them to pose naked, and then there is the hazy, yet still puke-worthy rape scene), but to give credit while showing some truly ugly stuff it does not dwell on the suffering of the victims, not making THAT into a spectacle.

The center of everything is Rani Mukherjee as a capable police officer, whose abilities nobody doubts, and who is definitely dangerous and strict, but also shown as caring wife and doting aunt. Shivani Shivaji Roy, as she is called in the film, is one of the truly well written characters, and a strong not because she can take on the villain and leave him a crying, bleeding mess at mercy of his victims, but because she is layered and non-formulatic. She feels real, and Rani´s solid performance makes her real. There is only one thing which I still am not in love with - I do not like Rani´s voice and how she works with it. In some of the scenes it sounded almost robotic. Everything else though is impressive and in my book Mardaani becomes one of the best efforts on Rani´s side.

The supporting cast manages to be just as believable. Tahir Raj Basin excels as the chief antagonist, sleazy, bit maniac and yet coldly sane, weeping for his father, with no mercy for anyone outside his closest circle. On the other side of the spectrum stands child-actress Priyanka Sharma as one of the kidnapped girls, breaking your heart with her helplessness. The picture is then completed with police officers and Shivani´s husband, all of whom may only have limited screen time, but even in that short space manage to give you an illusion of being real.

Mardaani is a good film, one of the better ones of 2014. And the best "female-action" one for sure. It has good pace and draws attention to an important, over-looked issue. It does feel a bit like high class TV cop show rather than a silver screen thing, and the end seems almost too abrupt and „too happy“, but you know what? After all the gore and pain, killing off any of the innocents may have been really too much to take. I could have done without the bit of hiring two black guys following the „We need someone who looks like drug dealers“ line though.

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First half of 2014 overview

From my perspective 2014 was lots better than 2013, even if only because there has been more than one film that I genuinely loved. I usually make one big overview, but catching up with new Bollywood releases has been difficult for me this time, so here I am to take a look at the first half of the year only. No worries – second overview is patiently waiting in the wings! The year 2014 started on the highest of highs with fantabulous Dedh Ishqiya, which eventually became my most favourite Bollywood film ever, unfortunately the very same day also witnessed one of the most regressive and atrocious pictures of the year in the form of Yaariyan. My January-line up then continued with muscle-flashing Jai Ho and utterly useless....

One By Two

Directed by: Devika Bhagat

Starring: Abhay Deol, Preeti Desai

My rating:destroy every copy – horrible– bad –whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing– experience

Some films make you feel like they take a lifetime before their end. This one take a lifetime to start. In a way it never does. Few times Amit (Abhay Deol) is told by others that he is boring, and he indeed is. From looks to dialogue delivery and posture, his acting is completely lifeless. Preeti Desai fares better, but.... what good is that when the story has no point and every idea is still-born? We are watching two completely unrelated storyline of two people who only meet in the last two minutes of the film! Some of the songs are nice and there is a lot of dancing, but ironically choreography does nothing but show us that Preeti has really long and slender legs. One by Two are two completely different stories sloppily pasted together by a duckt tape, and neither is interesting. Unless you like farting jokes.

Fortunately cute, though not faultless, Hasee Toh Phasee came along, and while the follow-up film Gunday (review coming eventually) remains in the so bad it´s actually good cathegory, it too provided for fine, inconsequential entertainment. The true gem of the month of February though was served to us by Imtiaz Ali in the form Highway, in which Alia Bhatt actually debuted as an actress. Her role was ever so much better than even what an established star like Vidya Balan got in...

Shaadi Ke Side Effects

Directed by: Saket Chaudhary

Starring: Farhan Akhtar, Vidya Balan

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

After she was completely exiled into obscure shadows of a silly film named Ghanchakkar, Vidya Balan is yet again more of a supporting character in this. And it just not feels right, simply because she is Vidya Balan and she deserves the best. Thus Shaadi Ke Side Efects (which really should have been named Parenthood ke Side Effects or something of that sort) becomes a Farhan Akhtar show. Fortunatelly he too is very talented and plays his character with much conviction. The plot, built around a universal truth that a baby will change your life forever, could have been a really fertile ground for a laugh riot comedy with relatable situations. But the opportunity passed the filmmakers by. The humorous scenes provoke a mild smile, but hardly any laughs. It is not all lost until the point when Vidya´s character decides to get even with her hubster, and invents a situation which in comparison is much, much worse than whatever he has done. From there it is all going quickly down the hill and whatever message of “learning” was intended to be, it goes down the drain with the very last scene, which just makes you think “What was the point of this film then?”

Gulaab Gang (review coming eventually) spelled a big let-down for me, no wonder that Queen won the hearts instead (though I personally was not nearly as swayed of my feet by it). For the rest of the March Queen was probably the only movie worth attention, which could not be changed even by two films releasing right after:

Total Siyapaa

Directed by: Eshwar Niwas

Starring: Ali Zafar, Yami Gautam, Anupam Kher, Kirron Kher

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

This film might be a new definition of useless. It does nothing for anyone be it actors or audience. A Pakistani boy love an Indian girl, who brings him home so he could be introduced to her (as we soon find out) totally xenophobic family consisting of a hysterical mother, senile grandpa, violent brother etc. A story of just one night spent in their company turns out to be pointless and random. It may have worked magic if only the writers actually added some good jokes, but much like Anupam Kher for 90% of his screentime they keep looking for something, but they have no idea if it exists. Ali and Yami are two beautiful people with obvious talent, so naturally one feels disappointed that they are so utterly wasted on a film so... well, useless.

Beewakoofiaan

Directed by: Nupur Asthana

Starring: Ayushman Khuranna, Sonam Kapoor, Rishi Kapoor

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

It took me exactly five sitting to watch the movie. It is just too slow, too boring and too predictable. And full of really awkward kissing. Ayushman Khuranna seems to have big trouble after Vicky Donor to find a good film and a good role, Rishi Kapoor is solid but his role has no intersting quality, and Sonam Kapoor is probably forever going to be „that pretty girl who cannot act“. Her best is being decent. In the movie she is yet again just a hanger for designer clothes. What starts as a typical „you are not good (aka rich) enough to marry my daughter“ romcom never manages to create moments of charm, neither there is anything witty and funny. Everything flows steadily and without excitement. I would compare the film to a music they always play at supermarkets as you shop. You know it exists but you just really don´t care.

The month of April truly signalized that the young ones took over. Both Main Tera Hero and 2 States (reviews coming eventually) were entertaining and showed us that Bollywood of future years is not going to be without talent, and there will be someone worth the interest. The same cannot be said for one of the famed Bollywood directors Subhash Ghai, who also laid his bet on some new blood, but his arrow failed to even come near to the target.

Kaanchi

Directed by: Subhash Ghai

Starring: Mishti, Rishi Kapoor, Mithun Chakraborthy, Kartik Tiwari

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I feel rather conflicted about Kaanchi. I intended to hate it, but I did not. At least not all of it. The first hour or so is, in fact, quite decent, unfortunately the second half of the film is a hot and boring mess. Advertising the film as a fight of a girl against the system was misleading to say the least, since Kaanchi fights to get even on a personal front, not to change anything about society or the world. Furthermore for the longest time one cannot be sure of what is Kaanchi feeling – we are as distant from her as her detective friend who actually narrates the story. Connection, so important in such a story, is missing. The thrill stalls when it should be gaining a momentum. Newcomer Mishti, who looks like a lovechild of Aishwarya Rai (she is styled like her in Taal) and Mahima Chaudrey (who actually makes a blink-and-miss cameo), is better as spunky village kid rather than a dangerous woman set after a revenge, yet overal is poor and her lack of personal charm further harms her cause of winning over the audience. Then there are further little annoyances: like Kaanchi´s perfect and heavy makeup she wears even as she races on a bike through the mountains and roams Mumbai all homeless, or avoidable and vulgar songs, or super-awkward kissing. And the fact that people are deaf so a speeding truck or train just come unnoticed. Rishi Kapoor and Mithun Chakraborthy are given ill-written characters in which both annoy. Kartik Tiwari gets the short straw, but is likeable. You know what.... maybe I did hate it and not even noticed. Or not? After all, this film has one girl who needs no saving and does what she wants, which is rare in Hindi films. See. I am indeed conflicted.

After Queen Kangana Ranaut drew the attention of the public towards her next release, which, though interesting, could not repeat the box office magic for her.

Revolver Rani

Directed by: Sai Kabir Shrivastav

Starring: Kangana Ranaut, Vir Das

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad –whatever – flawed but enjoyable (I guess ???) - good – great – amazing

This was weird in a weird kind of sense. Crazy and absurd in a Kill Bill way, but not absurd enough to be as fascinating. Not great on action either, in spite of the badass title. Oh no! This one, my dears, is yet another one of the corrupt politicians fight for the sets in local elections films. I suppose it says a lot about India if the traditional evil villains turned from disgusting rapists and heartless gangsters into sleek politicians. Revolver Rani had an interesting concept, but the story was not strong enough to carry all the craziness, that actually could have made it into something memorable. The movie does not pass the Bechdel test, but from the feminist point of view it was great to see that Alka Singh (Kangana) is a power to reckon with while not a single person (including armed to the teeth goondas) ever thinks less of her because she is a woman. Nobody discusses her gender. She is there and she is feared and hated. But the start is too slow, the narrative too focused on politics (instead on let´s say the relationship between Alka and Rahul, or even who she really is) and the ending kind of a mess, which definitely does not feel satisfactory. And yet, I liked Kangana in this better than in Queen (but Queen overall is a better film no doubt). I will always maintain that she is in her element when playing disturbed, not really normal characters - and Alka, with her violent mood swings, gangster image and almost childish, simplistic thinking, is right up her alley. Basically as an ordinary girl, Kagana annoys me. As a psycho I like her. Vir Das is good, and makes you hate him effortlessly (he is totally one of the biggest douchebags on big screen ever). Other actors do not make a mark, simply because they all do the same angry, power-hungry act for which I did not care. In the end I felt that the main point should have lied with Alka and her predicament, yet not enough time was spent on it. I´d say it´s "flawed but enjoyable", except it gets so bizarre I do not think anyone could really "enjoy". I was intrigued once the first boring 30 minutes were over though, so there go the brownie points.

Now let´s move on to....

Hawaa Hawaai

Directed by: Amole Gupte

Starring: Partho Gupte, Saqib Saleem

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

Hawaa Hawaai is a film made with lots of honesty. It is simple, creating a new story for a set formula (victory of a self-made underdog), and since it is a story about a young boy, it has a clear, pure touch of innocence. A child´s view is not really used, aside perhaps from application of simple beliefs that when you want something done, there is no problem in getting it. Where adults would five million reasons of why they might fail, small homeless boys see no obstacles in anything. The relationships are always sincere and no child feels envious or jealous. Idealistic perhaps, but makes for a nice change actually. All the child actors are very good, among the adults only the handsome Saqib Saleem has a role of importance and he is very convincing. The only, unfortunately quite major, drawback is that if you are not like me and do not enjoy films that are simply nice but without much thrill, the story is simply not engaging or complicated enough to hold your interest for two whole hours. Not on par with the best Bollywood children film I have seen (Chillar party), Hawaa Hawaai is still an endearing venture.

Saqib Saleem was my favourite newcomer back in 2011, in 2014 the same title is to be bestowed on, of all people, a star child:

Heropanti

Directed by:

Starring: Tiger Shroff, Kriti Sanon, Prakaash Raj

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I am biased towards everything Jackie Shroff and so I really hoped that Mr. Tiger boasting with his genes would be... well.... Shroffy enough. And while he does not remind me of his papa in any way, he certainly is my favourite newcomer of 2014. Unconventionally looking and hence easily recognizable among more handsome lots (which includes Siddhart Malhotra and Varun Dhawan whom I could not tell apart for first few months), Tiger is brimming with earnestness and positive energy so much you just cannot not like him. The movie he carries more or less on his shoulders is an average fare, that gets better and gets worse with different scenes, and all in all is a fitting "tribute" to the popular macho films so popular in the 80s. One gets easily tired of "friends" and fat poor NRI kid, the opressive treatement of the girls and also our hero´s limited vocabulary (which consists, on most occassions, from three sentences). On the plus size there is the already mentioned likeable debutant, who needs to work on his dialogue delivery, which is not the best, but makes up for it with restrained expressions, very good dancing and acrobatic-like action, quite unlike the usual Bollywood punching through the walls style. There is also a very pretty Kriti Sanon, who obviously has talent she can work on, and her filmi father Prakash Raj. Even though a villain et again, this character of his finally feels rather different from all the unscrupulous politicians he has presented us with in past few years over and over again. In fact the relationship between him and his two daughters is the brightest spot of the film. For all the family tradition, pride and misunderstandings there is palpable love between the parents and his children, and perhaps for the first time the audience gets an intimate glimpse into the soul of the authoritative baap - and gets to sympathize, at least a bit. Perhaps if the silly bits were left out and replaced by more of an inner turmoil of the hero being torn between his love and his sympathy of the father, the movie may have been really good. As it is, it entertains, it balances the silly and the serious well, and there are Jackie Shroff genes running around so all is well in the world. 

Not everything was right in the world for Siddhart Malhotra in Ek Villain, and neither the protagonists of another June release had it easy in life:

Filmistaan

Directed by: Nitin Kakkar

Starring: Sharib Hashmi, Inaamulhaq

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad –whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A wanna-be Indian actor is kidnapped by mistake by a small-time terrorist group and finds himself in a precarious situation. He does not loose heart, good spirits or hope. He makes friends with almost all around. But naturally, wants to return home. I was looking forward to this one, because the trailers had me in splits. However I was in for a big let down. The movie is not as half as funny as it had promised to be, the pace is sluggish and the story lacks a grip. It gets dark at few places, which threw me off the track, as I expected something else. And I did not manage to sit through it in just one sitting. The main point of the movie seems to be that Bollywood is one of the main things which binds India and Pakistan together, but I cannot really stand behind the message since I simply cannot know if it is true, being neither Pakistani nor Indian. Eventually it becomes really a story of friendship between a Pakistani and an Indian. Aside from few references in the first half there is not much about cinema or film-making, something the picture seemed to be about from the promos and posters. In spite of all the good intentions, the film felt very ordinary. Stale. English subtitles did not make things better, obviously modified for people not-familiar with Hindi cinema (for example "Prem Chopra" became "Voldemort"; Suman in Maina Pyaar Kiya became "daughter"). It did not offend me in any way, the actors were all natural, but the story... the story needed to be a lot stronger. As a viewer, you are also left with open ending, which considering the situation, is both depressing and unsatisfactory. Pity.

Akshay Kumar attacked us several times this year (as is, after all, his good custom), his first release being...

Holiday: A soldier is never off duty

Directed by: A. R. Murugadoss

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha, Govinda, Sumeet Raghavan

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

This started out rather awful, full of silliness and annoying, generic jokes, but it got increasingly better as it progressed. It had something from Special 26 and something from the usual Akshay flicks (for which he rarely gets my favour), and it is both Akshay´s charismatic performance as well as out of the box approach to the hero which carries the film into a more or less successful finish. Upon arrival for his annual holiday Virat (Akshay) first needs to go through an embarrassing rishta proposal (embarrassing both for him and the viewers, as the beautiful Sonakshi Sinha takes on one of the most annoying and useless roles of her life, which is already full of roles more or less the same), yet soon finds himself much more engaged in uncovering a terrorist sleeper cells, aided by his army comrades. There is plenty of action (quite toned down and mostly sans the inhuman gimmicks so common for this type of films) and plenty of suspense, as well as some severed fingers, dislocated limbs and explosions engulfing school buses and family restaurants. The sudden changes of the mood do little for the picture, transitioning from dark thriller into over the top comedy, fortunately in the second half even the comedy finds its place to fit it. Same cannot be said for the songs. Not only they remain unremarkable, but they just needlessly slow the narrative down. The film belongs to Akshay Kumar from start to finish, and I am stating the obvious saying that of all his contemporaries he is the one looking most fit and overal the best. His leading lady is a gorgeous girl, whom I have liked since the beginning of her career, yet ma patience is at an end. She has talent, she has the best possible screen presence, yet she chooses to be a side-kick in a role I would not wish upon a newcomer. Things would stand different if these were the only films she were offered, but Sonakshi Sinha has refused movies by filmmakers like Mani Ratnam in recent past. She might yet reinvent herself, but her line up does not look promising at all. Little cameo by Govinda was pleasant and Sumeet Raghavan as a police officer torn between the sense of what is right and what is comfortable did well. Perhaps Holiday would have made a finer film if treated like a full blooded thriller rather than a masalla potboiler, but it still manages to stand on two feet, rather firmly.

Eyeing the position of the worst film of the year and trying to snatch it from Yaariyan was Sajid Khan, and thus we were given....

Humshakals

Directed by: Sajid Khan

Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Riteish Deshmukh, Ram Kapoor, Tamanna Bhatia, Esha Gupta, Bipasha Basu

My rating:destroy every copy – horrible– bad –whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing– experience

The film offers:

• a medication which after consumation changes your genes and you behave like a dog
• parathas made of cocain
• Indian who worships Hitler and he would like to put mental patients into a gas chambers (Award for most tasteful joke goes to…..)
• alternative reality where every white person understand Hindi perfectly, including Prince Charles
• stereotypical OTT gay portrayal
• laziest choreography ever
• background chants which explicitly say what is going on on the screen, in case you are as stupid as the director
• peeing jokes
• talented, beautiful actors being pathetic beyond words
• parathas made of vodka
• pheromones sold in little doses
• ridicule of women, homosexuals, mental patients, midget people, children slavery, your intelligence

The only mildly amusing thing in the whole film is Ram Kapoor as Johnny. Sajid Khan needs to be stopped. And preferably lynched.

Of course, one cannot expect anything of worth from him anymore, least of all, let´s say a cute film about a girl detective like Bobby Jasoos, which kicked off the month of July and redeemed Vidya Balan as someone who carries the film on her shoulders and needs no help from anyone. The month also saw Alia Bhatt for the third time last year, but as it appears the quality of her films was lowering with the passing time.

Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania

Directed by: Shashank Kaitank

Starring: Varun Dhawan, Alia Bhatt, Ashutosh Rana

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

„I was born hot“ says Alia Bhatt while looking like 13 years old. However this is not the most cringeworthy moment of the film, considering you are in for stupid teenage imitation of sex and later some spying on a couple having sex. And then you go and blackmail them. What a likeable hero our Humpy makes, nah? I am not a big fan of DDLJ, but this attempt at a „tribute“ to the iconic film, does not have a iota of the chart the original had. The first half is very slow, random and I felt bored to tears, stopping the movie after every few minutes. Second half was better, but did not improve the film overal. Probably hastily scripted to take advantage of new popular faces, the movie does little for both Varun and Alia (who do share a very nice chemsitry and are endearing as a jodi), since it remains very basic, without any novelty at all. I would rather watch Prabu Deva´s Ramaiya Vastavaiya again.

Finally, just before the year skipped the line into its second half, Salman Khan appeared out of the mist with....

Kick

Directed by: Sajid Nadiadwala

Starring: Salman Khan, Randeep Hooda, Jacqueline Fernandez

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

Well, this was stupid. It is not completely hopeless but I have a feeling it would have been better if they treated it as a comedy - every single scene that tried to be serious and cool immediatelly made me roll my eyes as there was no logic whatever, not even a tiny bit of it. Salman Khan, all bulky and with a brat-like expression that made me want to give him a kick (preferably to the face to wipe that annoying smirk off), wearing a really ugly mask which actually hid nothing, is naturally nothing short of a saint - pity since his most interesting parts are the brief moments when it seems he just might have turned to "the dark side". But no. The film, much like Jai Ho, becomes yet another massive advert to Being Human. Salman is bad, while Randeep Hooda rocks. Jacqueline looks gorgeous and her performance too was good, considering how limited her screen-time was - heck, this heroine did not even have a reconciliation with her lover or a happy ending!!! Average film. And by the way I doubt double deckers heading to King´s Cross drive through Warsaw.

And that is it for the overview. Have a great day, folks! :)

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